Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
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You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
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I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Sorry about my life...
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
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