The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
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I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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