i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize