im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize