toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
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Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
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I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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