Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Randomize