You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
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She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
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Lo siento on account of my penis...
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
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