What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
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