Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
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