I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
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