He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
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On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
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Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
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