Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
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First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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