I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
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spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
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