the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
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