oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I intend to get homeless drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize