I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
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