I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
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stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
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She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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