He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
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Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
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He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
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