So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
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some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
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I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
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