I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Randomize