i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
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