I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
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