I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
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