remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Randomize