Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Just pee around me
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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