gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
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