How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
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she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
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On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
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