Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
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