He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
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How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
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If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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