Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize