Are we in a gay sports bar?
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Come see our sink grown plant.
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you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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