It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
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He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
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You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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