For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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