My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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