Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I enjoy the company of your penis
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize