chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
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