Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Randomize