we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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