He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Randomize