My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
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