Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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