yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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