hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize