I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
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She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
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I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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