You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
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