i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
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We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
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Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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