Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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