chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
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