so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
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i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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