the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
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